You know that imaginary person your parents loved when you were growing up, for guys it was Sharma Ji ka Beta who scored 100% in math and for girls it was Sharma Ji ki Beti who inspired Ekta Kapoor on many occasions.
In my case, Sharma Ji’s kid kept changing depending on what mistake I made.
So after some intensive mining of the internet and looking up profiles at various job portals, I found the resume of this Sharma Ji’s Kid. The resume, that makes my job profile look like a meme, was found in an email that kid sent to the CEO of one of the biggest conglomerates of the world.
This is an extremely long resume, so kindly
Here’s the mail –
Here is my application for the Chief Technical Office position in your company. Since the document with my resume was bigger than 100 MB, I was unable to attach it and had to copy the details in the mail itself.
As we live in the age of social media, I have used some hashtags in the resume. This shows how advanced my social media marketing skills are. #letsbegin
Name – Adarsh Sharma
Address – 1, Sharma Ji Ka Ghar, Sharma Ji Ke Ghar Wali Road, Delhi.
Email – email@example.com
SSC (10th Grade) – 99.997 % (All Asia Topper)
HSC (12th Grade) – 99.998 % (All Eurasia Topper)
**Both SSC and HSC done from ‘Pata Hai Unka Beta Waha Padta Hai’ Public School.
B.Tech CSE – IIT Delhi. #OfCourseIGotIntoIIT – CGPA 9.95
Internship at Microsoft India, Gurgaon – You can find my selfie with Bill Gates on one of my Instagram handles – @SharmasSelfiesWithOthers
Project – Bookout – A Virtual Reality platform that allows you study while working out in the gym. #gymislife
*PFA the project report.
**During my engineering, I pursued an online correspondence course in MBBS from AIIMS. #doctorbhiengineerbhi
Post Graduation –
PGP Management – IIM Ahmedabad #YesIToppedCAT
*PFA attached report of my time at IIMA. You can find the details about my courses and grades on my blog – sharmakabetaatiima.blogspot.com #backlinksforseo
**During my PGP, I got interested in psychology and took an online course at University of Cambridge.
Ph.D Psychology from University of Delhi #gothomesickafterpg
*PFA my thesis on Parallel Universe Psychology. #whataretheythinking
- 1 year internship at Microsoft India.
*PFA the printout of the mail sent by my boss to the entire team of Microsoft India about the best intern they ever had. #yourstruly
- Handled finance in my father’s online business. Tripled the profits in 3 months. #studythenbusiness
- Proud Virgin. #waitingformarriage.
- Exclusive bragging rights to parents. #hatersbemyneighbours.
- Only winner of International fancy dress competition. Also known as Halloween.
- Finished HC Verma in 5th and Irodov in 6th. #irodovislife
- Super Intern title at Microsoft India.
- Best student award at IITD, IIMA and University of Delhi.
- Gave GRE just to score more than the neighbor’s son. #scored 335.
- Cleared UPSC with just a month of preparation and self-study.
- Played cricket, football, chess and badminton at University level.
- Invented a dance form by combining different techniques with moon-walk. My style inspired Beyonce for her music video Single Ladies.
- Get at least 10 matches every day on Tinder. But studies are my first priority. #waitforme
**The rest can be found in my father’s blog mysonisbetterthanyours.wordpress.com.
- Sleeping at 9 PM and waking up at 5 AM.
- Going to the temple every morning. #mandirdiaries
- Reading the newspaper.
- Running. Best 10K time – 3 min 40 seconds.
- Studying. #youknowit
- Combing my hair.
- Web Designing. My websites – Future Successful Entrepreneur, IIT Sample Papers by Sharma, What I Studied Today etc.
- Creating sample question papers for CAT, UPSC, GRE, CBSE etc. #swag
- Giving tuition to children of people with other surnames.
**You can find out more about the rest of my hobbies by following me on snapchat at dekhsharmakabetakyakartahai
Expected CTC – #PaisaBhiKyaCheezHai. Just kidding. As you can see, I have a sense of humour too. Please contact my father at firstname.lastname@example.org regarding my salary. He knows what my neighborhood kids are earning.#makingmoremoney
About Me –
I am a humble, well-endowed, 6 feet 8 inches tall man who is more qualified than Manmohan Singh. I may not have enough experience when compared to other freshers my age but I get offers from many MNCs and some established Indian companies because of my education. What I lack in knowledge of the market, work experience, exposure etc. I make up for all of it with the imaginary aura that surrounds me. The imaginary aura given to me by my branded education and society’s labels.
Since I am 99.99% sure that you will be offering me a job, I have a few questions about your company. Kindly answer them in detail. #statistics #piecharts or #histograms are preferred.
Why should I join your company?
How many courses does your company offer? How many can I take once I start working?
Currently, How many single eligible brahmin women are working in your company?
Kindly send all of their profiles, resumes and social media links to my mom’s email id- email@example.com.
Please send the answers when you reply with my call letter. #onceyouhiremeyouwillneverfireme
Thank you for reading my resume. #nowgimmesomeashirvaad
Twitter Handle – @Sharmakabeta
So there you have it. I would like to point out that any resemblance to a real Sharma Ji Ka Beta is purely coincidental as there are literally thousands of Sharmas in India.
This resume was as imaginary as the capabilities of Sharma Ji ka Beta. You don’t need to compare yourself with another person in order to grow in life. Remember it’s your life; Your parents, Sharma Ji, or their kids are not going to live it for you.