So 2016 comes to an end and Facebook shows you a video of some pictures you clicked and then forgot about after reaching your target number of likes and comments. In my case, the video had 4-5 images that were clicked by someone else. I rarely click selfies as my phone’s front camera hates my face.
But in the unreal world where flowers bloom and people don’t yell out LOL when they hear something funny, stuff happened. The roller coaster ride, that was 2016, had its ups and downs.
Today I am going to talk about what the fudge happened this year, all the fudging crap our leaders pulled. As this is going to be an attempt to make people laugh, there won’t be any jokes about any tragedies or attacks that proved how humanity is slowly withering away from this world.
Again long post, so-
Rio Olympics- Even though the city and Brazil’s government faced a lot of heat before, during and after the major event, you gotta give it to the people of that nation. They managed to pull it off.
Imagine if the Olympics were hosted in India. Apart from the delight for our overly affectionate men who have groping, eve-teasing and public display of genitalia on their resumes, the Indian Olympics would have become one of the biggest scandals after they ended. Some money comes from outside and our politicians don’t pocket most of it? How dare you?
But something did happen in India, our athletes did exceptionally well and women athletes proved you don’t need a penis to be good at something. That’s just what our overly affectionate uncles believe.
**I honestly believe that a man’s thing was created when God was all out of creativity. I mean guys, it is just a faucet; Stop thinking with it.
Though most women made us extremely proud, one Indian woman, who still hasn’t claimed her twitter was hacked, decided to tweet what was going through her mind.
This woman is actually a popular writer but apparently she is also an all-rounder in athletics. I believe it was her collection of Olympic medals that made her say something like that on twitter. But I am not a writer of her stature so why should I say anything about her writings.
Wait! Isn’t that what she did?
The Euro Cup happened and most people who spend time on FIFA, like their lives depend on it, had to make some changes in the manager mode.
Cricket- I am not really a big fan of cricket. We have like a billion people going cray cray over it, they don’t need another schmuck abusing the players every time India loses a match. I am sure Indian cricketers played really well this year. I am certain our politicians won’t play with their careers.
Great Britain- So the nation that inspired strategy games like Age of Empires and invented the phrase ‘breaking and entering into other people’s homes’, decided to leave Euro. They also started a new movement where you simply put exit after your state or country’s name if you want to break-up with someone.
I understand it was a historical event and had some serious consequences, but the British need not worry, we Indians will still keep visiting your nation and then develop fake accents. Remember Upen Patel?
Another big thing was the appointment of Theresa May. UK got a woman prime minister after 1990. Unlike USA where some emails got leaked.
USA- The United States saw one of the most popular elections and mourned the death of a Gorilla (who no one really cared about before the video went viral).
The man who won the elections actually said that immigrants posed a threat to the nation. You have to understand his logic people. Just read the history of the USA.
It all started when one of the worst navigators ever, landed on the wrong continent and then had the audacity to call the indigenous tribes living there, Indians. Do you know how confusing it can be when the number of Indians is decreasing but the number of actual Indians is increasing in that country.
The election between Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton was fun to watch on Saturday Night Live and even though everyone besides Trump thought Hillary was going to win, a couple of emails that weren’t deleted on time, changed everything.
People got really upset after Trump won but the biggest backlash came from California. They talked about a Calxit or a separation from USA.
Fun Fact- If they had managed a Calxit, California would have been one of the richest countries in the world. They have the original Silicon Valley, Hollywood and the biggest adult film industry. Granted India also has version of all three of them but our adult industry lies in our hidden folders or wherever the overly affectionate men are.
India- Apart from Salman Khan putting on some more weight and inventing another lazy dance step, Bollywood churning out more shitty commercial films and some fights in the scripted reality show – Bigg Boss, India saw some new kind of cray cray with Modi, Kejriwal and Rahul Gandhi.
The top three contenders for the next Indian elections proved the power of news, social media and how an Indian will like or share a status on Facebook without thinking twice.
Last year, every Indian complained that Modi wasn’t spending time in India like he just started dating us and then took a solo vacation.
The opposition was furious with his frequent trips around the world and this year he came back and proved to everyone why he should have stayed on his world tour.
Demonetization- The second term invented by our ruling party’s PR team after Surgical Strike.
**I am just going to say this once- Surgical Strike as a term, is idiotic. If you know our nation’s history and if you ever read the marquee at the bottom of every new channel, you should know that our soldiers have been fighting and dying long before computers were made. We have had covert ops before you and I were even born. What the hell do you think our special forces and counter-terrorist organizations do when we are busy browsing the internet. Soldiers have been sacrificing their lives for quite some time now and simply putting a Facebook update about how great our Army is, won’t do jack shit for the men and women fighting for our safety. If you want to support the soldiers then join the defense services. If you don’t want to do that, then respect and praise their efforts every day. Not just when a soldier dies or when there is a natural disaster.
Back to funny stuff now.
Modi used the social media for his campaigns and has been using it to gain our trust. It is this herd mentality that makes us share and like everything he says on social media.
So one day, he came up with an idea to eradicate black money from the country. Then when the idea was actually going to be implemented, he realized he hadn’t told anyone about it. He then went on a press conference which was basically- guys, the money in your wallet will be useless from tomorrow on-wards; unless you have change for 500 or 1000.
People on their laptops praised this move on Facebook and their friends liked and shared it because that is how a herd works.
Then these people went to wait in queues outside ATMs and banks and everything went down the crapper.
This is a brief idea of Modi’s plan- Ban the old 500 and 1,000 rupee notes, introduce a 2,000 rupee note and let the poor man fight for change, then collect all the money in the banks (which were always out of new currency as they was busy feeding the rich) and then after a while, stop the 2,000 rupee note and re-introduce the 500 and 1,000 rupee notes. Oh! and make TV appearances.
Modi, who trusted the people who always topped in exams to execute his idea, came up with the worst plan possible. In the end, the common man lost precious time and some lost money but the rich guy got his black money exchanged to new currency and the rich politician didn’t have to wait in queues, got even richer and doesn’t have to pay any tax on cash deposits now.
To conclude, if you want an answer to the question, how great is India?
Our soldiers faced some of the biggest terrorist attacks, our farmers faced severe problems in various regions, the average hard-working Indian spent hours waiting to get paid but our politicians and rich guys got even richer. How about that?
**granted some rich guys did get caught with the new currency black money but it was mostly in areas where BJP doesn’t hold much power, so who cares?
Hollywood- If you are not already bored by superhero films, then wait for 2018.
2016 had some films that people had been dreaming for years and we realized the brutal truth, the bigger the hype for a film, more people will hate it.
Take the comic-book giants DC and Marvel. They both produced the same story-line with Civil War and Dawn Of Justice (I wish they had been the actual names of the film as they make more sense). People hated DC’s version of superheroes fighting amongst each other but loved Marvel’s version. All this proved was that Zack Snyder needs to chill on the special effects.
I am a DC fan, but I liked the films Marvel made this year. I enjoyed watching Dr. Strange and Deadpool. DC’s Suicide Squad was so bad, I fast forwarded through their extended version. Don’t even get me started on their adaptation of Joker.
Every DC cinematic release has been adapted from their animated films. A simple big screen remake of Assault on Arkham would have done wonders for the studios.
Superhero flicks aside, 2016 did see some really bad remakes and some really good films that introduced new story ideas. And J.K. Rowling got inspired from Marvel and is expanding the Harry Potter universe; To USA.
As my favorite TV character Ron Swanson would say, 2016 was stupid; just like this blog post.
Just learn from 2016 and watch the animated film of Wonder Woman before 2017.