An Indian Man’s Logic Of Flirting In Public

Before I dive into this semi-controversial topic, I would like to apologize to all those five or six people who read my blogs. I know I haven’t been really active with this blog. You have to understand, I am swamped with work. When I am not binging  some show, I write content for several websites.

I do that because they pay me and I make a lot of money. It’s alright, I can show-off; I am a Punjabi. (If someone from the IT department is reading this, I am totally kidding about the pay)

So, a couple of days back, the internet was shocked to learn the flirting habits of the of the CEO of a popular website that made web-series a thing in India (not going to name the person or the company because I used to like their video content)… and the guy who started ScoopWhoop.

Now, I know what you are thinking. What’s with this tubelight*? This all happaned months ago. Even Snapchat and Sonu Nigam came after that. Well, even though I am a content writer who depends on social media, a lot!, I am not really like other writers in my field. I am different. I am more handsome (Again! Punjabi). My phone hangs a lot and I only open Facebook for work or when I am stuck in traffic.

*tubelight- A stupid ass name for a Bollywood film.

To be honest, I handle serious content.

Unlike websites that talk about tweets and have headlines like – ‘This Guy Took A Dump! You Won’t Believe What Happened Next’, I write content that helps people. (Apart from this blog). If you want to see a serious blog, checkout The Grey Alley. I gave that link just to piss off the guy who started it.

Coming back to the topic; Now, we don’t know what really happened at the company that makes web-series and ScoopWhoop. Maybe those women had to work in an extremely disturbing environment, or maybe, nothing happened. But, all this should kind of tell us a little about the way an average Indian man treats the women he loves.

On average, an Indian man loves multiple women. There’s that one woman he stares at every day, that one lady in the bus he wants to grope, the girl in his office he flirts with, his many ‘FRANDS’ on Facebook, the women in hidden folders in his computer and finally, his partner or wife.

Indian men love to flirt. Bollywood somehow managed to glorify sex after marriage and groping before marriage at the same time.

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Without any further distractions, here are some ways Indian men show their affection in public (not counting boners) –

  •  Leching – If you don’t know what leching is, just have a look at this gentleman here –

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According to Indian logic, the only ill-mannered thing here is his hands in his pockets. As you can see, it’s not cold there, so his hands are in his pockets for different reasons. Some Indian guy thought that women enjoyed this constant staring and shared this knowledge with his fellow brothers who still had their hands down their pants.

Men stare at other men too. I am stared at everyday. Fortunately, they only stare at my face. Unfortunately, they stare at it for 10 minutes straight.

My questions to these staring champions –

If you wish to be friends with a dude, do you stare at his crotch till he invites you to join his cricket team?

If you go for an interview and really want the job, do you constantly stare at the interviewer?

If a guy lends you money during a difficult time, do you thank him by staring at his chest?

 

 

  •  Groping – I am a man and I have no fudging idea how grabbing someone’s ass will make them feel special. What exactly is going through you minds when you see an attractive woman?

Is it something like this –

‘Wow! that’s a beautiful woman. Has a nice figure, is stylish, a cute face, amazing smile… does she like me?…. I should squeeze her butt and find out.’

Or is it – ‘This woman is special to me…. I should touch her breasts and show her my love.’

By the way, men grope other attractive men too. Trust me, I am not showing off, I have been groped twice in a bus. I didn’t feel special. I didn’t even think that the guy found me attractive. I felt disgusted.

My questions –

When a friend offers you treat at a restaurant, do you thank him by grabbing his lemons? If you do, what’s wrong with you?

When you win a cricket match in your street, do you all smack each other’s butts in celebration?

When you perform really well at work, do all the men in your office show you their privates? If yes, you need to quit.

If you are a minister, which book did you read where it was mentioned that groping women is a part of New Year’s celebrations?

 

  • Teasing – No this is not that kind of teasing where men do seductive poses and slowly pretend like they are going to strip.

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Men don’t start dancing on a pole when they see an attractive woman in public. If that happened in India, we wouldn’t have a billion people here pretending that we are a united nation.

This is eve-teasing. Something that some Indian men picked up from our Bollywood villains or in some cases, the heroes in our films.

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Trust me, I know this first hand, teasing someone in public is bad and when there’s a group of people teasing you, it’s worse. Just to clarify, I wasn’t actually teased by men. Still, I was not comfortable in that bus.

 

 

Another very weird thing that men like to do as a form of flirting, is calling them names or giving them titles.

Sexy, as a word, is stupid. I don’t what it means or where it went that Justin Timberlake had to bring it back, but it’s not an appropriate thing to say to a woman at your workplace.

A woman comes to an office to work. The only thing she wants you to appreciate is her work itself. She doesn’t want you to go – “Nice work on that script….. You look sexy today.”

She came to work to achieve some goals she has, just like you. She doesn’t want you to complement her boobs when her quarterly numbers are up.

If you are running a company or you happen to be famous in the society for your work, people look up top you. Give them a reason to respect you as a human being instead of listening to your pee-pee.

My questions –

Do you call your male employees sexy when they are properly groomed?

If a male Bollywood celebrity meets you, will you whistle and complement his tight butt?

Will you yell – “Bhai! Pecks Bhai!!”

 

To conclude, I would like to point out that none of this is going to change the mentality of our proud Indian men. We live in a country where a man who harrases women, walks unharmed and a guy simply holding his girlfriend’s hand in public is beaten up.

To my fellow victims of Indian flirting, I say, clench your fist and break their freaking nose.

 

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