Despite what some perverts on Facebook or some freelancers who write for me might think, I am a man. Facebook pervs have mistaken me for a woman twice, which is not a bad thing, I just didn’t want them to flirt with me.
And it may sound strange coming from a dude, but I think I can give you some pointers on how to interact with women.
I should make it clear that I am not going to talk about how to flirt with women. If you want those kind of pointers, you’ll have to visit another site. I hear the guys at Brazzers have some really good pickup lines that always seem to work.
Trust me, you will never find flirting tips on this blog because my idea of flirting is – if you are attracted to a woman, look at her, blush and then run in the other direction. If that woman comes to talk to you, struggle to say a few words… Then run in the other direction.
Today, we are going to talk about this habit us men have that women find annoying at times. It’s our habit of constantly giving advice and solutions. Men may not realise it, but every-time we talk to a woman going through some issues, we end up giving answers to all of their problems.
I’ll be honest, I do this all the time. All the conversations I have with women or men, it literally takes me one second to come up with solutions to all their problems.
Even when I am struggling with hundreds of issues of my own, I always take out time to give problem-solving advice to others. Doesn’t everyone do that?
It doesn’t really affect our conversation with our bros because guys usually don’t listen to what the other person is saying. In many cases, we just talk, share our problems, then ignore the other person. I believe it’s because of our big, long, thick male ego that makes us assume we are smarter than everyone around us.
Coming back to the title of this blog, we tend to ruin most conversations with women because they (most women) are different from men. They listen to you when you open your mouth. And they want the same thing in return. For you to listen. JUST LISTEN.
No need to tell her how she should start running when she tells you about her weight related problems. If she’s ranting about her bad day at the office, don’t tell her she should start looking for a better job. Even though your first instinct would be to give her a solution, because you want to impress her with the size of your intelligence, simply listening to her will be better for both of you.
I know this giving advice routine or mansplaining never works because I grew up with a know-it-all (actually, he doesn’t know shit) and I have seen how much people hate it. To be honest, this person in my life has a habit of giving advice even when you don’t ask for it, when you are actually happy, when you are sitting quietly or even when you’re just opening your eyes in the morning. So, giving advice can make you a giant pain in the ass at times.
Fun fact: The abbreviation for pain in the ass is PITA… How about that!
I would like to remind you five people who read this blog that I too have this really bad habit of giving advice or mansplaining. Not because I think I am smarter than others, but because I am a people-pleaser. That’s why all teachers loved me in school and now, bosses tend to throw all the work at me.
Since most men didn’t read the 600 words I just wrote, I am going to use a hypothetical conversation for my more intelligent readers.
Imagine a conversation between two fictional characters: Long IQ and Girl 1.
Long IQ: Watup?
Girl 1: Hey, nothing much… Just came back from work… I hate my job man!
Long IQ: What happened?
*Note: Notice how IQ didn’t just tell Girl 1 to change her job before even listening to her problem.
Girl 1: It’s just work as usual.
Long IQ: *Waits for her to continue*
Girl 1: My boss doesn’t listen to any of my ideas and keeps giving me all the work. If someone else isn’t able to do something, my boss will simply assign all that to me even if I am busy with something else… there’s so much politics in my department… I don’t get along with my colleagues… (Okay I’ll just stop here otherwise it may seem like I am ranting about my work. I like my job… sort of).
Now in this conversation, Long IQ’s mind is brewing with answers and solutions that are about to blow up in Girl 1’s face. But he is going to control himself. He may even cover his mouth.
Long IQ: This sucks… office politics, so much work… I can’t imagine how you get up. Like how can one get the energy or excitement to go to work every morning. (He shuts his mouth, waits for girl 1 to continue).
Some other scenarios where Long IQ must keep his mouth shut:
If Girl 1 says the following, IQ keeps quiet and listens:
My parents are after me to get married. I just finished my post graduation and they are already looking for a groom.
Long IQ let’s her finish then sympathizes with her because he can’t really give advice here. He will face the same problem with his parents the moment he turns 28.
I think I have put on some weight. Do you think I look fat?
Unless Girl 1 asks for some workout tips, IQ keeps his mouth shut. Even if she asks for some tips, he should first look at his own paunch.
I hope some of you understood what I was trying to explain. I remember I mentioned earlier that there will no flirting tips here, but I would like to add that under no circumstances are you allowed to flirt when a girl is sharing her problems with you.
Also, it all depends on the person you are talking to. The aim of any conversation is to bring people closer (emotionally). It may help you if you get to know the girl you are talking to instead of flirting with her or negging her.
I talk to a lot of women and believe me when I tell you, they are fun to talk to. Plus they tend to listen to your problems.