Celebrating World Population Day By Counting Indians

If you happen to live in India, especially this area called Delhi or U.P., you would know that you can’t go 10 meters without bumping into another human being. And that’s not counting our resident perverts bumping into you to show their respect.

Okay that may have been an over exaggeration of facts but we are a densely populated country; and if we keep listening to our religious leaders who urge our women to give birth to more kids, we may soon have to start building islands to accommodate our people.

Now most people from my generation (I am a 90s kid) may not know the reason behind this explosion of people after our Independence, I believe it has got to do with our f@#%$*d-up society.

A society that grew up reading autobiographies of famous government officials who studied in school, got a government job, got married to get laid and never stopped getting laid. People who always believed that a woman’s job was to get married, pleasure her husband and give birth to more government officials and future brides. These men never understood what a woman goes through to give birth to a new human being. They never even cared about a woman’s needs.

Somehow, these women started believing the same thing and thanks to our old films that romanticised the idea of falling in love and getting married, women thought that becoming a wife and a mother was their ultimate goal. If only those films showed the young cute little sweet babies pooping and puking everywhere.

We were, and still are living in a society, where a man has to study for 16 years, get a job and start earning a good pay and get married to achieve the ultimate goal of an Indian man – Sex, and a woman has to fall in love with a good positioned, ample bank balanced stranger approved by her parents. In certain areas of India women’s families pay huge sums of money to win the best position and bank balance.

Granted times have changed now and both men and women have better family planning. Plus these things may not be prevalent in big cities or even certain developing towns these days… but, our population didn’t reach a billion mark yesterday. We have been competing with China for quite some time. Heck we have the largest army of engineers in the world. The dufus writing this blog is an engineer (It’s a long story. I’ll explain in another post).

To answer the question why wedding and the babies related industries are booming in India, we just had to follow this stupid tradition laid down by a couple of horny men and some uneducated women.

After all that, you still don’t accept that India is overflowing with people and have a deep desire to get married so that you can finally boom-boom in your room-room, you need to see these numbers.

Warning: If after seeing these numbers, some part of you takes pride in our population, you are bigger dumbass than those idiots who think everything on Roadies and Bigg Boss is real.

Let’s begin with a list of most populated countries in the world:

*All the numbers are approximations taken from the internet. If you are an Indian, you know how our government doesn’t count people who weren’t home during the census. 

China: 1.37 billion

India: 1.311 billion (Almost no.1)

United States: 321 million

Did you notice the gap? We literally have a billion more people than USA and yet their GDP is 15 trillion dollars more than ours. Yay?

Indonesia: 257 million

Brazil: 209 million

Uttar Pradesh: 204 million or more.

Yeah UP has more people than the 6th most populated country in the world (which is our neighbour by the way). It’s 2017 projection is higher than that of Brazil’s. A country much bigger than India.

To give you an idea of how bad things are population wise in India, UP has more people than Russia (the largest country in the world), Canada (okay this one just adds to Punjab’s population, but still bad), South Africa and Australia. That’s right! our completely honest and gunda-free state has more people than a freaking continent.

You don’t believe me? Just type UP population in your google search bar and get ready to buy condoms.

If you don’t live in UP and think you don’t need condoms, well…

Rajasthan: 68 million – Thailand’s population. Rajasthan beat United Kingdom, France and Saudi Arabia (which is much bigger than Rajasthan by the way).

West Bengal: 90 million – A number between Egypt and Iran. Surprisingly their neighbour Bangladesh has 156 million people. Why is the Indian subcontinent so obsessed with doing it?

Maharashtra: 114 million – Out of which 18 million comes from Mumbai only. Mumbai has more people than New Zealand. If you don’t think Mumbai has an overpopulation problem, try catching a local at Kurla station during office hours. Actually try catching a local or getting down at any station during rush hour. If you don’t get squished and pushed by 10 random people, I’ll change the name of this blog.

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Karnataka: 64 million – Bangalore (the city where traffic jams can even happen at midnight, where it can take you two hours just to travel 9 kilometers, a city where traffic jams are slowly shifting to metro station platforms) has 8 million people. Which is not as big a number as Mumbai’s but just try going out for a drive anytime between 7 AM and 9 PM. You’ll see where them people actually at.

Tamil Nadu: 67 million – Which is roughly 47 million more people than Sri Lanka. In our defence Tamil Nadu is bigger than Sri Lanka in terms of size. But United Kingdom, Venezuela and Italy are much bigger than our state and yet again our one state beats them all. Chennai has around 7 million people just FYI.

New Delhi: 21.7 million – That’s not counting people living in NCR pretending to be dilli-wale.

Now I am not going to mention Punjab or Gujarat because I don’t have the exact number of NRIs we have. If I start listing down all 29 states, world population day will be over by then.

The only thing we can learn by looking at these numbers is that our ancestors screwed up big time. Soon we won’t have enough space to fit our people in our own country, let alone feed them. So the next time your parents tell you that you should get married and bring them a pappu they can love after retirement, think about this –

Instead of bringing another soul in this fudged up world, won’t it be better if you change a child’s life? What if one day, there are no weddings in India? A day goes by and no child is born every second. What if one day, people just adopted children? What if Indian men learned that life is more than sex?




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